I want to know where the fic is where Alex Russo gets sick of boys - she kicks out her latest boyfriend, he was so annoying, and kept talking about--stuff, Alex wasn't really listening, and wanted to snuggle after sex, which, just, ew, it's not like he's a werewolf; she kind of uses that stick to measure all guys, so she figures girls are the next logical step, it's not like she hasn't always been in love with Harper anyway - and uses Justin's 10-year-old son - since she isn't a wizard anymore, thanks Max - to trick Harper into marrying her. Stephen's all, "I don't know if we should be doing this," and Alex is all, "Lighten up, short stack," and bribes him with tickets to the Planetarium and a Mars bar and a quarter she found in Justin's pocket. And then at some point she'll be all, "Surprise, we're married! And have cats! Isn't this so great?" to Harper. Only because it's gone horribly wrong - like their apartment is filled with a dozen talking cats - she says it in that sheepish way that isn't really sheepish, she just doesn't want Harper to yell at her, so she stacks her toes and sort of says it to the ceiling with a half smile and jazz hands - because, really, talking cats are kind of freaking awesome, they can send them out to spy on the neighbors, like a talking cat army. Alex has the best ideas. And Justin has three sticks up his ass, but because he loves Alex - in a long-suffering, why do I have to be related to her? way - he forgives the use of his son and helps get rid of all the cats - except one, because talking. freaking. cat. - and undoes the binding agreement thing that apparently made Harper her slave, not wife - oops! - and Harper agrees to hold her hand and go see movies and make spaghetti with her, and possibly fool around on the couch at some vague point in time, because Harper's, "not a hussy, lady!" and then Alex grabs hold of the front of her cheese doodle vest and kisses her.