The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris

[skoosiepants]

I heart J.

He sent me off to work this morning with a ziplock bag full of little chocolate donuts and cookies.

And he's been emailing me random facts about Chuck Norris:

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. The result was the 80's.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.

ETA: Although clearly J is evil, since he just called me to tell me he was watching The Triangle with David Hewlett (whom I love with all my heart) And I'm stuck at sucky work while he's wallowing in the wonderfulness of hewlett and dan cortez and luke perry *glares*

Comments

[eckerlilas.livejournal.com]

I heard about the "Random Chuck Norris Fact Generator" on a morning radio show a few weeks ago. Isn't it the greatest?

I love: Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. hehe

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

they're *hilarious* hee!

[netbyrd.livejournal.com]

Oh god, those are funny as hell. I'm going to have to call my dad with some of those!

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

aren't they so funny? I couldn't stop giggling. Excellent way to start the day :)

[hinokumo.livejournal.com]

Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.

ROFLMAO! *dies* That is so true :D Ever see that old Bruce Lee flick where the two of them fight? Before Bruce snaps his neck, of course :D HAIR. So very much.

*still laughing*

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

*giggles* Anything with Chuck Norris is too funny :)

[insipid-paragon.livejournal.com]

Spreading the Chuck Norris love: Television Without Pity's Pixel Challenge, Chuck Norris style. (http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3134723&st=0)

I want one that says "Chuck Norris killed the half-blood prince with a roundhouse kick to the head." lol

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

omg I love you! I can't wait to pass this on to J... he'll have a fit! hee!

[insipid-paragon.livejournal.com]

XD Well, just be sure to keep him away from anything with sharp edges so when he's thrashing about in paroxysms of glee he won't hurt himself.

And that, my friend, is the first time I've ever had the pleasure to type "paroxysms," anywhere, ever.

And yes, I had to check to make sure I spelled it right.

I'm an eeeediot.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

And yes, I had to check to make sure I spelled it right. I look up spellings all the time, and I'm usually wrong anyway *g*

And paroxysms is an excellent word :)

I've been laughing my ass off at these CN pics all night. J sends along his thanks *g*

[megaloo13.livejournal.com]

*is totally dead from the funny* These are absolutely wonderful. Just, oh my... XD

[insipid-paragon.livejournal.com]

And then I died from laughing at your icon, and then I went to look at the rest of your icons and died over and over again from the laughing and then I got to the bottom, with the Eliza Bennett one? And omg, I am teh dead, really and truly this time. Because it's funny 'cause it's true.

[plum-blossoms.livejournal.com]

that's so sweet you got your chocolae donuts and cookies :) LOL the chuck norris facts cracked me up :)

[plum-blossoms.livejournal.com]

he got you I mean, urgh it's the morning and I'm not really awake >_

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

*giggles* chuck norris kills me!

[ladybeth.livejournal.com]

Ahh....David Hewlett=love:) I sooo want to buy "Cube" He's the only one I reconise but I love that movie because of him. Ever see it?

Triangle...what was that about... (althouhg I have a guess)

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

I've never seen it, but I have this intense compulsion to buy everything he was ever in *nods*

The Triangle was a scifi movie from 2001, based on that movie Ghost Ship. J said it was terrible, and DH was the first to die *is sad*

[ladybeth.livejournal.com]

But...noo!!!

In Cube he dies as well, but he is the last one to do so. Basically they are stuck in this big giant cube of cubes that move around and they have to make thier way to the doorway without walking into the boobytraps and stuff. David gets hit alot and at first he seems like a bad guy but he ends up being the good guy (as the guy you thought would be the good guy goes wacko and beats David with his shoe...).

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

*snort* his shoe? Oh, but I hate seeing him die! *pets him*

[ladybeth.livejournal.com]

Yes, His shoe. Lots of whumping of David in that movie as I have stated before.

I liked the movie, but I still can't see how a sequel was made.

[sokorralewis.livejournal.com]

Yes, His shoe. Lots of whumping of David in that movie as I have stated before. And I'm not sure he's technically dead yet when the credits start but it is implied.

I liked the movie, but I still can't see how a sequel was made.

REC!

[eldee.livejournal.com]

OMG, have you read this? A Hogwarts Christmas (http://www.pensnest.co.uk/hogwartschristma.html). Popslash style. They turn to dogs. *giggleSNORT*


BTW, the Chuck Norris stuff is hilarious!=.

Re: REC!

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

oooo, I can't wait to read this!

[twilight-la-fae.livejournal.com]

SKOOS!! Take two on the shareing my mad, mad geeky love!! I GOT SEASON ONE....FOR REAL THIS TIME!!!.

*smirks* It says so on the box and you're right it is the best thing in shiny packaging and. Mad, mad geeky love.

Mad. Geeky. Love.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

DUDE! So exciting!! Don't you just want to... stare at it and pet it for a while? *g*

[twilight-la-fae.livejournal.com]

Yes...It's boootiful. I've gotten to the first episode on the second disc of the first dvd set. Wow...mouthful. Suspision, is it?

I love Ford. John's right, he's just like a kid.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

J and I just finished the second disk last night... so exciting!!

Ford is great... him and his C4! He scares me in the 2nd season with that eye *shudders*