skoosiepants | Dudes, okay, WTF?

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Dudes, okay, WTF?

Have I been that out of the loop that I'm just hearing about this stupid Fanlib crap? Man, remember when I asked about it way back in March after I was contacted to beta or something? Dudes, I'm so glad that I'm a lazy flake and pretty much completely forgot about it right after telling them I'd help out - because Jesus, who wants to get caught up in that shit? If you ask me, it's just a stupid idea anyway, but I'm not much of a team player. I don't archive my stuff anywhere but here and my website, so. Plus, I'm HORRIBLE at fandom participation. I write, I read, I squeal about Patrick's tiny, tiny body and Spencer's truly amazing hips and John's thigh holster and Rodney's ass or whatever, and maybe I want to marry them all and have their babies or something, but I don't even IM, so. *shrugs* I'm off in my own world most of the day.

Speaking of babies,

civilbloodshed and I want Mikey & Alicia to get on with the getting on and give Gerard a niece/nephew already, because baby + Gerard = explosion of cute. He'd be the best uncle EVER with the cuddling and the happy, happy smiles. Now, go forth and write about Gerard and babies. Or puppies. I'm flexible like that. oh my god, Gerard and puppies! I think my brain just broke.

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Frank would never do it intentionally. They all know that. There's a side pool going for when Frank will actually get the juevos to man up and ask Gerard. Because as much as they love Gerard and his animal and world saving ways, Gerard is kind of clueless on most accounts.

Most accounts being when someone is mad crazy in love with them. Possibly not mad crazy, because that sounds silly. But seriously and deeply.

It's not like Frank's alone. Bob crushed. Crushed hard. Ray had a mild thing for him. Ryan did for about a split second then he caught sight of Mikey and well. Well, that's another Way Brothers story. Brendon loves everyone.

(Spencer didn't because Gerard's like an older brother and that' kind of gross. But he can see the appeal. Gerard does have a really nice ass.)

Frank is the one that counts though. They all know it.

So they're waiting. Really just waiting for Frank to clue Gerard in.

Patrick is the exotic animal vet that comes around. He tries to do all he can for free or as cheap as possible, 'cause he knows it's expensive to run the no-kill shelter. T-Bone - the parrot that attacks Ray's hair and calls Gerard "Pretty Lady" - is his favorite patient. Patrick is also Gerard's ex - from waaaay before - but they're still good friends. Patrick has money on the Frank/Gerard betting pool, and he's hoping to win big.

The betting pool is actually getting kind of ridiculous. Everyone's starting to cheat, coaching Frank and juggling his schedule around whenever it get's close to their particular picked date. Frank's starting to get suspicious. Gerard, as usual, has no idea all this is going on. Or does he?

Bob may have his own crush on a certain animal vet, but he's not going to say anything. He does however manage to look his worst whenever Patrick shows up. He doesn't plan it. It just happens.

The last time Patrick showed up Bob was covered from chest to knees in muck. Clara got out into the creek and dragged Bob in while he was trying to get her out. Spencer came by with a slightly wilted head of lettuce and that's all it took to get Clara out. Bob glared at them both and trudged back to the house in hopes of a shower.

Clara trotting behind him bleating with what he thought sounded like laughter.

He stomps into the kitchen and he smells a little like fish and Patrick's at the kitchen sink, T-Bone on his shoulder and Sapphy in the sink - since that's the easiest place to examine the ducks - and Bob stops dead and goes, "Um," and Patrick's brows go up and he says, "Hi, Bob," and Bob is usually able to talk to Patrick just fine, but for some reason he's struck dumb, dripping all over the floor and he's forgotten about Clara following him and she suddenly headbutts him in the ass and he stumbles into the table and Patrick just laughs.

Bob walks away. Okay, so it's a fast paced mostly run away. Spencer passes Bob in the hall and makes a face. Bob doesn't even have the presence of mind to hug him.

The kid deserved it.

Spencer soon starts a new pool. One on when Bob and Patrick will get together. It's not that Spencer thinks that Bob's some kind of stud. Or that Patrick's easy. But he's seen the way Patrick watches Bob's ass as he's bending over to help haul supplies in.

Ray would call that insider trading or something. Spencer just likes to think of it as smart.

Jon's the one who brings William. William didn't believe him when he told him about the evil guard-pig, so he tags along with him one day and just doesn't leave. Bill doesn't do anything, really. He just lounges around with Gabe - the Guy On The Other Side Of The Fence; that's actually how everyone describes him - and they write 'songs' about Gerard & Ray & Frank & Bob & Mikey that have a lot of obscene lyrics and references to goat fucking - which really is so tasteless, except you can't help but like Bill anyway and Gabe is Gabe. Occasionally they'll get high with Joe - the guy who delivers all the donated pet food from local businesses - and eat all of Bob's cheetos.

Bob doesn't mind so much. William keeps Gabe entertained so that means Gabe doesn't actually cross over from The Other Side. Gerard tends to eye Gabe a little suspiciously whenever Gabe's around. Gerard likes Gabe fine, but he's not too sure what Gabe's plans are when he talks to Mikey.

Mikey thinks Gabe is really funny. Dirty, but funny.

Ryan hates Gabe. A lot. And doesn't hide the fact that he does.

Naturally, Gabe always tries his very best to piss Ryan off. Mostly this manifests itself in rubbing all over Mikey in front of him – but never in front of Gerard, because Gabe is crazy, but not suicidal – as often as possible. He gives Ryan these smug, satisfied, raunchy looks over the top of Mikey’s head even when he’s just casually touching him, and Ryan’ll quietly seethe, teeth clenched.

Brendon bumps his arm and says, “Dude, you shouldn’t let him see how much it bothers you,” and, “Just tell Mikey or something,” like he’s some sort of fucking love guru – which is sort of ridiculous, because Brendon, despite his enthusiastic love for everybody in the entire world, has never gone past above-the-waist making out.

He’s not really religious anymore, but he leaves pamphlets on chastity vows around the house and talks about how, “It’s totally cool to keep it in my pants; Jesus loves me and all,” and no one’s really sure if he’s joking or not.

Ryan thinks maybe Brendon ate too many paint chips and glue when he was a little kid. Brendon accuses Ryan of being an “alien cyborg,” because he’s been watching episodes of Star Trek late at night when he can’t sleep.

Ryan is not about to fall for that talk. He once talked to Ray and Andy for two hours while they discussed the merits of the borg and the Federation. He's just lucky Gerard wasn't around. He's seen Gerard go on forever about Seven of Nine and how her character was a... Well, Ryan kind of stopped listening after a while.

Brendon offers to make Mikey jealous. "We could make out. You know in front of him!" Brendon thinks this is a brilliant idea.

Ryan still thinks he ate too many paint chips as a kid.

"No, no, seriously, we could totally make out!" Brendon insists. "Just, like, remember to keep your hands out of my pants."

Ryan rolls his eyes and assures Brendon that really wouldn't be a problem. If they were actually going to make out. Which they aren't, because it's a completely lame idea.

Bob, who's been blatantly eavesdropping, thinks it's a great idea, mainly because it'll be hilarious to watch, and pops up out of the goat pen to tell them. Brendon kind of screams like a girl.

"I did not scream like a girl," Brendon says two seconds later as Ryan and Bob are laughing at him.

It was a very manly frightened exclamation. And he only jumped a little.

Bob crosses his arms over his chest. "You two. Get with the making out. Mikey's due back anytime now."

Ryan eyes him. "When did I say this was going to happen?"

Brendon is too busy putting on chapstick to say more than a muffled, "Yaaaay!"

Ryan shakes his head, because no way, but then Brendon lunges forward and catches his arms and totally just plants one on his mouth. Ryan's stunned still, and Bob goes, "Oh, come on, you can do better than that," and then Brendon's really kissing him, and he's actually sort of fantastic at it. Huh.

Brendon is a really, really (surprisingly) good kisser. Ryan wonders when and how his hand moved, cupping the back of Brendon's head and pulling him back when Brendon tries to move. Ryan opens his eyes for a split second and Brendon's grinning, ear to ear and bright like sunshine.

Bob blinks. "Huh."

Brendon says, “I’m awesome,” and somehow manages to not come off smug at all – just refreshingly honest, which is weird, but Brendon’s often described as refreshing and weird – and then he says, “Hey, hands, hands,” and bats at the fingers Ryan’d apparently hooked just under Brendon’s waistband at the line of his hip.

Someone clears their throat and Ryan glances behind him to find Mikey, and Mikey’s frowning a little, gaze sliding between Brendon and Ryan, and Ryan suddenly beams, because okay. Okay, this plan just might work.

Bob watches. This is really more interesting than the soaps that Ray likes to sneak in when he doesn't think people are looking. This is like As The Shelter Turns.

"Brendon weren't you supposed to be giving Clara a bath?" Mikey asks and Brendon shrugs beaming. "On it boss."

Ryan smiles sweetly, because maybe Brendon's not that dumb. And he's a really good kisser.

Jon pulls Brendon aside later to ask him what he's doing. He's worried. He doesn't know Brendon all that well yet, but the whole thing smells like a disaster waiting to happen.

Brendon says, "Hey, Jon Walker, you're sweet on me," grinning, and Jon shakes his head, trying his best to be totally serious in the face of Brendon's adorable cheekiness.

"I'm worried about you, doofus," Jon says, hooking an arm around Brendon's neck.

"Which means you're sweet on me," Brendon says completely and utterly sure. He's not quite certain, but he might put Jon Walker on that list of People He Might Let Below the Waist. The list is rather small and Jon should feel kind of honored about that.

Jon rolls his eyes and Brendon kisses his cheek. Brendon's of the mind that you get people used to you kissing on them.

The whole making out with Ryan thing the very first time was. Was just a thing. A plan of action. It subverts the original theory.

Jon taps a finger against Brendon's forehead. "Sometimes I worry about what thoughts are going through that pretty little head of yours, Urie."

Brendon smiles, snags Jon's finger and clasps their hands together, palm to palm.

Jon blinks at him. Seriously, Brendon is the most handsy guy he's ever known.

Gerard sees them from the window over the kitchen sink, holding hands, and takes in Jon's openly bewildered face. Brendon has that affect on a lot of people. He's still there, just lounging against the sill, when Mikey comes in, shaking his head.

"That... Brendon. He's kissing Ryan!" Mikey says grumbling and slamming the back door. The refrigerator door gets the same treatment in reverse.

Gerard watches Mikey and shakes his head. "Grow a pair."

"What?"

"I'm sorry did I stutter? Grow a pair, please." Gerard finishes smiling sweetly. Mikey was always a little slow on the uptake. Especially in ways of the heart. Or pants.

“I'm sure I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Mikey says, the slightest bit haughtily, and Gerard rolls his eyes.

“Of course you don’t,” he says, and flicks Mikey’s ear. He’s not going to stick his nose any farther into Mikey’s love life, though. They’ve had fights about it in the past - about Pete, mainly, because while Pete’s a great guy, he was an asshole boyfriend - and the fights always just ended up with Mikey sullenly silent and Gerard piss-ass drunk, and Gerard doesn’t drink anymore.

Ryan is currently in turmoil. Turmoil, yeah. That's a good word for it. He's sitting in the middle of the back lawn, letting the kittens romp all over him, and thinking. Thinking hard.

So, he kissed Brendon. No big deal. And so Brendon is technically the third boy who's ever kissed him. [Technically Spencer was the first, but he's not sure if he's supposed to count that. Technically.]

He picks up Persephone and holds her up to his face, nose to nose. "What do you think?"

Sadly, Ryan still hasn't figured out kittenese.

Spencer hears about the incident from Bob – because Bob tells Spencer everything. Bob swears Spencer has some sort of voodoo power over him, like Spencer can just stare into his eyes and he’ll spill all his secrets. Not that Brendon and Ryan kissing is a secret or anything. It’s just that, honestly, he hadn’t planned on telling Spencer right that moment. He’d been planning on telling Frankie first, at least, mainly because Spencer’s kind of scary about Ryan - so, anyway, Spencer hears about it from Bob. He’s simultaneously jealous - because it’s not like he hasn’t thought about kissing Brendon before - and worried exactly how Jon is worried – although, at that point, he isn’t aware that Jon is worried, and if he was aware, he’d probably use it as an excuse to go commiserate with him about it – and he joins Ryan in the grass with the kittens and picks up Jon Jr. and cuddles the tabby against his chest and just stares at Ryan.

Too bad Spencer’s voodoo stare has long since stopped working on Ryan.

"So, make out with anyone lately?" Spencer finally says.

Ryan gives Spencer a look. Unfortunately while he's developed an immunity to voodoo stare. Spencer's also become immune to the Ross Stare of Indifference.

"Bob's got a big mouth."

Everyone knows that Bob's a gossipwhore when it comes to Spencer.

Spencer shrugs. "And?"

"And nothing. A big fat nothing," Ryan says, and Spencer knows it's as far from nothing as possible. "I'm not talking to you about it."

Spencer ducks his head, laughs a little into Jon Jr's furry body, because Ryan was so going to talk to him about it. It might just take a little time.

And meanwhile, Spencer thinks he'll just corner Brendon for a friendly chat.

Jon Jr. mrreows and flicks his tail slowly and Spencer laughs when it curls under his chin.

Ryan leans over and puts Persephone on Spencer's stomach. "I swear they like you more than me. And maybe Jon."

"That I doubt." Spencer says as Persephone kneads his stomach with sharp little kitten claws.

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