pants to match

No? Good. I promise to give him a happy ending and everything.

Also: Why has no one written a Stephanie Plum-esque MCR AU yet???

PICTURE THIS.

Gerard the fumbling, kick-ass Jersey bounty hunter! He lives in this little apartment with his HAMSTER - seriously - and doesn't like guns, so he always hides his bullets. Brian owns the bail bond office! Ray works the phone and hands out the cases! Frank's the tiny hyper dude they hired to file stuff, but ends up just going out with Gerard on cases - he ends up accidentally shooting something/someone all the time!

Gerard's kind of in this half-assed relationship with Bert the cop! Bert used to be a lot of trouble, but he's cleaned up and everything, and he's ready to settle down with Gerard, but Gerard's not too sure. Mainly because of Bob. Bob's mysterious! Bob's like a ninja, and he's this totally hot badass bounty hunter that occasionally ends up helping Gerard out and saving his life and shit. Bob just shows up out of nowhere. Bob is also very obviously attracted to Gerard and Gerard has to, like, remind himself constantly that's he's with Bert and shouldn't cheat on him and stuff, and Bob understands that but he also isn't going to give up trying to get Gerard to sleep with him. It's awesome.

Mikey divorces his wife Alicia and moves back into their parents' house and decides he's gay and takes up with this total spaz named Pete. Gerard regularly has to bail Pete out of shenanigans gone wrong.

Is it bad taste to make Mikey and Gerard's grandma be still alive? Because Gerard needs his grandma to drive around with him and blow shit up.

Bob has minions! Chicago minions! His right hand man is Patrick, who is tiny but regularly full of rage. Frank is all over this Patrick character. He is sure they are meant to be, and Patrick is sort of taken off guard by Frank's enthusiasm (but then Patrick is also best friends with Pete - some convulated plot point that'll come out some how or another - so he thinks he can handle Frank).

Gerard keeps getting his cars blown up and getting kidnapped and accidentally getting framed for murder, and Bob and Bert have their hands full trying to keep Gerard out of jail and still alive. Bob and Bert hate each other, but they're willing to work together to make sure Gerard is safe! Awwwwww!

So, yeah, can someone write this for me? Please?

Hey, so at one point I posted that I thought there was a serious lack of Gerard plus babies/puppies fic out there, which is so very sad, and then clumsygyrl showed up with a pic of Frank and a puppy and we started commenting back and forth and then this happened. We couldn't help ourselves.

Herein lies something insanely cute.

( clumsygyrl: there should be fic where gerard runs an animal shelter. or something. a no kill one. heh. )

Gerard is getting married? True? Wha-huh? Not that he isn't the prettiest thing since Spencer Smith, but. *scratches head*

Also! Snow White AU is not what I'd call bastardized. It's turning out to be sort of parody-like. Which is fun, but different for me.

It was the middle of the night, but Pete had yelled, “Fire drill!” and they all stumbled out into the chilly air and Joe tripped over a root in the dark. His lantern rolled to a stop some three feet ahead of him, illuminating a bunch of rabbits and a curled up, shivering form.

“What do you think it is?” Pete asked.

Patrick heaved a tired sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose underneath his glasses. He didn’t have any pants on. He really hated Pete sometimes. “A boy, Pete. It’s a boy.”

“I’ve always wanted a boy,” Pete said, grinning. “A boy of my very own.”

“Right,” Andy said. He had his hands on his hips. “That’s great.”

This bit is for callsigns, and yes. Yes, Mikey totally drinks cordial and smokes pipes.

Previous parts here and here. I'm not sticking to any true chronological order. Stayed tuned next for some of Ryan-writing-his-masterpiece for clumsygyrl :)

( Spencer can’t stop hiccupping, and it’s making him laugh, and Ryan is just incredibly red-faced and hot and he thinks this might have been a bad idea. )

Okay, now I'm just making shit up. Moreso than the other ones, at least. This is not a fic. Remember that.

Previous part here. Enjoy.

( Ryan is Spencer’s very best friend, but Spencer doesn’t always understand him. )

I'm in the process of trying to get my brother hooked on My Chemical Romance, because I am convinved they are, like, the greatest rock group of all time. I may be biased, but whatever. Gerard Way can have my soul if he wants it. I'm pretty sure he'd just say "thanks, that's so nice, but you might want to keep it," because he looks like he's so incredibly sweet! He doesn't want to eat my soul! He wants me to love my soul exactly how it is! *hugs him*

I'm eating rasberry danish. Mmmmmm... rasberry danish. Coooooofffeeee *drools*

Tonight is our tasting at the reception hall. My parents, his parents and us. I hope it's not disastrous.

SPAM. Somehow, my furry octopus fic got put on some robot spam list - not as fun as it sounds - and I'm getting two to three replies a day about erectile disfunction and breast enlargement and stuff and I'm getting sick of it. Is anyone else having this problem? I flipped on the screen anon comments thing for it, so nobody sees them but me, but it's a pain in the ass.

Also, I may have a not!fic coming up soon, because Ryan? Kind of an Anne Shirley. No, no, seriously, hear me out: The Way brothers adopt him! Mikey wants to send him back! Gerard loves him instantly!! Spencer is his bosom friend and kindred spirit! Brendon pulls his pig-tails and Ryan hates him so much! Jon is the boy Spencer wants to marry and Ryan can't understand why he'd pick such a BOY who's going to be, like, a farmer or something, but wait, wait, I'm getting ahead of myself here, because not!fic! Coming soon. And it will not be a fic. Don't you worry.