skoosiepants: (Gerard Way and his pretty eyes)
skoosiepants ([personal profile] skoosiepants) wrote2007-11-15 01:27 pm

So does anyone mind if I break Spencer's heart again?

No? Good. I promise to give him a happy ending and everything.

Also: Why has no one written a Stephanie Plum-esque MCR AU yet???

PICTURE THIS.

Gerard the fumbling, kick-ass Jersey bounty hunter! He lives in this little apartment with his HAMSTER - seriously - and doesn't like guns, so he always hides his bullets. Brian owns the bail bond office! Ray works the phone and hands out the cases! Frank's the tiny hyper dude they hired to file stuff, but ends up just going out with Gerard on cases - he ends up accidentally shooting something/someone all the time!

Gerard's kind of in this half-assed relationship with Bert the cop! Bert used to be a lot of trouble, but he's cleaned up and everything, and he's ready to settle down with Gerard, but Gerard's not too sure. Mainly because of Bob. Bob's mysterious! Bob's like a ninja, and he's this totally hot badass bounty hunter that occasionally ends up helping Gerard out and saving his life and shit. Bob just shows up out of nowhere. Bob is also very obviously attracted to Gerard and Gerard has to, like, remind himself constantly that's he's with Bert and shouldn't cheat on him and stuff, and Bob understands that but he also isn't going to give up trying to get Gerard to sleep with him. It's awesome.

Mikey divorces his wife Alicia and moves back into their parents' house and decides he's gay and takes up with this total spaz named Pete. Gerard regularly has to bail Pete out of shenanigans gone wrong.

Is it bad taste to make Mikey and Gerard's grandma be still alive? Because Gerard needs his grandma to drive around with him and blow shit up.

Bob has minions! Chicago minions! His right hand man is Patrick, who is tiny but regularly full of rage. Frank is all over this Patrick character. He is sure they are meant to be, and Patrick is sort of taken off guard by Frank's enthusiasm (but then Patrick is also best friends with Pete - some convulated plot point that'll come out some how or another - so he thinks he can handle Frank).

Gerard keeps getting his cars blown up and getting kidnapped and accidentally getting framed for murder, and Bob and Bert have their hands full trying to keep Gerard out of jail and still alive. Bob and Bert hate each other, but they're willing to work together to make sure Gerard is safe! Awwwwww!

So, yeah, can someone write this for me? Please?

[identity profile] channonyarrow.livejournal.com 2007-11-15 06:54 pm (UTC)(link)
No, but if you write it, I'll totally cheerlead for it. My guilty confession (I'm an editor, we should have snooty standards and read Proust and Austen and Foucault and Dickens for fun, while we sip snooty wine and, perhaps, daringly smoke snooty French cigarettes as we critique the plebes that send us their "submissions") is that I really like the Stephanie Plum books, even if they're treading so much over the same damn ground that it makes Pirates of the Caribbean II look like War and Peace. They're little bonbons of joy.

And I'm sorry, I know it's wrong to do anything horrible to Ray, but can Ray be the Sally Sweet character? We never see Sally have sex, and anyway, he's not gay, he just dresses in drag! And has crazy hair!

Oh wow, Ray driving the school bus just became my new daydream. Wow. Ray as a role model in drag is just...yeah. My brain went "Fzip!"

[identity profile] skoosiepants.livejournal.com 2007-11-15 07:05 pm (UTC)(link)
those books crack me! it really is just the same stuff, but still so fluffily hilarious!

Ray as Sally Sweet, okay, yes. Yes, that's pretty much perfection right there *laughs*