So does anyone mind if I break Spencer's heart again?

[skoosiepants]

No? Good. I promise to give him a happy ending and everything.

Also: Why has no one written a Stephanie Plum-esque MCR AU yet???

PICTURE THIS.

Gerard the fumbling, kick-ass Jersey bounty hunter! He lives in this little apartment with his HAMSTER - seriously - and doesn't like guns, so he always hides his bullets. Brian owns the bail bond office! Ray works the phone and hands out the cases! Frank's the tiny hyper dude they hired to file stuff, but ends up just going out with Gerard on cases - he ends up accidentally shooting something/someone all the time!

Gerard's kind of in this half-assed relationship with Bert the cop! Bert used to be a lot of trouble, but he's cleaned up and everything, and he's ready to settle down with Gerard, but Gerard's not too sure. Mainly because of Bob. Bob's mysterious! Bob's like a ninja, and he's this totally hot badass bounty hunter that occasionally ends up helping Gerard out and saving his life and shit. Bob just shows up out of nowhere. Bob is also very obviously attracted to Gerard and Gerard has to, like, remind himself constantly that's he's with Bert and shouldn't cheat on him and stuff, and Bob understands that but he also isn't going to give up trying to get Gerard to sleep with him. It's awesome.

Mikey divorces his wife Alicia and moves back into their parents' house and decides he's gay and takes up with this total spaz named Pete. Gerard regularly has to bail Pete out of shenanigans gone wrong.

Is it bad taste to make Mikey and Gerard's grandma be still alive? Because Gerard needs his grandma to drive around with him and blow shit up.

Bob has minions! Chicago minions! His right hand man is Patrick, who is tiny but regularly full of rage. Frank is all over this Patrick character. He is sure they are meant to be, and Patrick is sort of taken off guard by Frank's enthusiasm (but then Patrick is also best friends with Pete - some convulated plot point that'll come out some how or another - so he thinks he can handle Frank).

Gerard keeps getting his cars blown up and getting kidnapped and accidentally getting framed for murder, and Bob and Bert have their hands full trying to keep Gerard out of jail and still alive. Bob and Bert hate each other, but they're willing to work together to make sure Gerard is safe! Awwwwww!

So, yeah, can someone write this for me? Please?

Comments

[channonyarrow.livejournal.com]

No, but if you write it, I'll totally cheerlead for it. My guilty confession (I'm an editor, we should have snooty standards and read Proust and Austen and Foucault and Dickens for fun, while we sip snooty wine and, perhaps, daringly smoke snooty French cigarettes as we critique the plebes that send us their "submissions") is that I really like the Stephanie Plum books, even if they're treading so much over the same damn ground that it makes Pirates of the Caribbean II look like War and Peace. They're little bonbons of joy.

And I'm sorry, I know it's wrong to do anything horrible to Ray, but can Ray be the Sally Sweet character? We never see Sally have sex, and anyway, he's not gay, he just dresses in drag! And has crazy hair!

Oh wow, Ray driving the school bus just became my new daydream. Wow. Ray as a role model in drag is just...yeah. My brain went "Fzip!"

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

those books crack me! it really is just the same stuff, but still so fluffily hilarious!

Ray as Sally Sweet, okay, yes. Yes, that's pretty much perfection right there *laughs*

Wait a minute!

[ficsoreal.livejournal.com]

Whoa there. I totally did not agree to breaking Spencer's heart again. *sad face* (disclaimer: I will still totally read the fic anyway. I'm just saying.)

I think Gerard shoulde be kidnapped all the time! He is a hapless maiden.

Also Patrcik/Frank. There is no wrong there. :)

Re: Wait a minute!

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

It'll be sad, and then maybe heartwarming? Hopefully? I promise not to kill off any kids?

Gerard should DEFINITELY be always kidnapped and rescued by Bob.

[natacup82.livejournal.com]

Poor Spencer Smith, he always has to suffer for love.

I have never read Stephanie Plum but I fully support this idea!

[nimmy.livejournal.com]

I'm right there with you! this sounds like a super idea *g*

[eleanor-lavish.livejournal.com]

Do Bert and Bob hate each other, hate each other? Or do they hate each other in that "throw each other against walls and end up making out" way...

Also, Quinn is Bert's partner on the force! They are part Starsky and Hutch, part Lenny and Squiggy! Quinn keeps Bert from beating up suspects, and is wary of Gerard-- he and his kind think they are above the law!

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

Okay, well, I was thinking hate-hate, but throwing up against walls sounds totally okay with me!

[1001cranes.livejournal.com]

OMG ILU.

(So much that I've been reduced to caps lock and acronyms.)

Um, write this, yes please!

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

dude, I want to READ this. So bad.

[kitsune-tsuki.livejournal.com]

Hi. I love your brain.

♥!

There should always be a bounty hunter AU. ALWAYS.

♥ ♥ ♥


P.S. By "break Spencer's heart again", clearly you mean "tragical emo-angsting followed by riding off into the sunset on a unicorn with his One True Love", right? Because that would be several kinds of awesome. I would support such a thing. :D

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

GERARD THE BOUNTY HUNTER! YES!!

By "break Spencer's heart again", clearly you mean "tragical emo-angsting followed by riding off into the sunset on a unicorn with his One True Love", right? oh definitely yes. and no dying kids this time :)

[vampyreranger.livejournal.com]

That sounds great!

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

now I just need to bribe someone to write it for me!

[elle-dritch.livejournal.com]

Brian and his inappropriate relationship with a duck? I am torn between snorting hysterically, and sadfacing. Ducks are incapable of properly appreciating the hotness of Brian Schecter. Tragic, but true.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

I know! I couldn't think of who else should be in that role, though. We could make him cooler.

[chopchica.livejournal.com]

I want the SGA version where Rodney is the incompetent bounty hunter who keeps on having weird shit happen to him and John is the bad boy turned cop who loves to make Rodney blush and do him behind the cannoli case, and Ronon is the badass mercenary. Actually, I'd KILL for a story like that!

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

that's a pretty amazing fit. I would SO read that *nodsnods*

[wildestranger.livejournal.com]

Yes yes yes yes yes yes you should. Absolutely you should. :D

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

Not me! BUT SOMEONE!

[scorpionvoices.livejournal.com]

Ok, seriously? AUs are my drug of choice, in ANY fandom; bandom is just that much more perfect for them.

I think *you* should write this, if only because I'm an embarrassingly fan-girl type person when it comes to the way you write. GO FOR IT!!

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

*laughs* I don't think I'd even know where to start with this - we must encourage others!

[inmyriadbits.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha, oh GOD. Gerard as Stephanie Plum really needs to happen. I just...YES. I mean, the hamster has to be a sign, right? ;)

Is it bad taste to make Mikey and Gerard's grandma be still alive? Because Gerard needs his grandma to drive around with him and blow shit up.

You forgot to mention "pick up dates at funerals." Which seems bizarrely appropriate when it's someone related to Gerard, you know? :)

I'm starting to wonder if we are attached at the brain or something, though. I mean, first there was the western (http://inmyriadbits.livejournal.com/58838.html) AU (http://inmyriadbits.livejournal.com/59085.html) thing (http://skoosiepants.livejournal.com/232822.html), and then I was just thinking about these books last night (I was reading Conclusions (http://www.waxjism.org/bex/b05_conclusions.html); apparently lines about bodies being dumped in New Jersey lakes make me think of Stephanie Plum). Weird.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

Dude, we are weirdly in sinc!! I love AUs so much.

You forgot to mention "pick up dates at funerals." Which seems bizarrely appropriate when it's someone related to Gerard, you know? :) how could I have forgotten about the funerals? THIS IS SO PERFECT!!

[clumsygyrl.livejournal.com]

i vote for someone writing this too. yis.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

we need to recruit someone!

[fire-and-ice97.livejournal.com]

Skoos, I don't comment often but I would love you forever if you either wrote this yourself or got someone to write it. I love the Stephanie Plum books and this just sounds hilarious!!

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

I want to read it so bad! Those books are hilarious - there should be more AUs about them!

[mojojessjo.livejournal.com]

I LOVE THIS! ESPECIALLY BOB'S TINY CHICAGO MINION NAMED PATRICK! AND, AND, THE FRANK/PATRICK!

FULL OF WIN THIS IDEA IS!

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

PATRICK WEARS ALL BLACK. IT'S AWESOME.

[bluelittlepig.livejournal.com]

WHY would anyone giving Frank a gun with bullets in it? That's just dangerous. I would fear for his safety and mines.

Because Gerard needs his grandma to drive around with him and blow shit up.

Hahahaha! YES.

I just LOVE you brain. Seriously, someone needs to write this! I would totally read this.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

It's bad for EVERYONE except the HILARITY! Frank is packing heat. hee!

[nutty-moo.livejournal.com]

I always wondered why there were not more Stephanie Plum style fics. I mean it works for any fandom i reckon.

I started squeeing after Frank's the tiny hyper dude they hired to file stuff, but ends up just going out with Gerard on cases Cause LOL!!!!!

I would so totally read it too. If someone writes it for you. You must let us all know so that we can share in the awesomness XD

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

It totally works with EVERYTHING.

[somniloquous.livejournal.com]

be gentle with our spencer!
as long as jon comes along and makes him feel better, i guess it'll be okay!

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

Would you settle for Brendon? I mean, Jon'll be there, being his awesome self, too, but. Brendon's gonna need some Spencer hugs, and vice versa.

[trackscovered.livejournal.com]

My brain just went to a place where Gerard Way is Dog the Bounty Hunter.

And Mikey's one too, because "it's a family business!"

Oh dear.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

*laughs* they would SUCK SO HARD at it, too!

[naturallyxweird.livejournal.com]

Okay, so I've never actually read Stephanie Plum o.O but this idea is too good to pass up!

Therefore, I VOLUNTEER! if you're willing to wait about a month, cause i write slow...

You had me hooked by mentioning Gee's Hamster XD that hamster is definitely not mentioned enough lol

[naturallyxweird.livejournal.com]

...also, leave Spence alone, you big meanie X3

[espoirliberte.livejournal.com]

There is never enough Bob/Gerard in this world. Likewise with Frank/Patrick. They are both such awesome combinations.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

Dude, I KNOW! It would be AWESOMEMAKING!

[harriet-vane.livejournal.com]

Dude, I actively dislike Stephanie Plum and her books, but apparently if you swap her out for Gerard I AM IN LOVE.

I have already done my share of silly "Someone should write this!!! AU's." Pls to be getting someone on that STAT. or else it's going to start writing itself in my brain

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

dooooooo it!!! you know you want to!!!

[tempore.livejournal.com]

Okay, mind if I friend you? I love your writing every time I've been directed to it (I suck at commenting, though) and the second you said this, I was like, "OMG, yes. Why hasn't anyone done that?"

But it's perfect. Everything you said, it works.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

I do not mind at all! I'm happy you like my stuff :)

Everything you said, it works. we must get someone to write this for us!!!

[sirritwist.livejournal.com]

This may just be the best idea ever.
Hahaha Stephanie Plum/Gerard Way, the lines between them have now been blurred, I don't think i'll be able to view those books the same way again.

Also Hi! I'm Laura. I friended you, I hope you don't mind, but you seem to have the best fic/bandom ideas :)

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

*laughs* I just wish someone would actually write this!

Also Hi! I'm Laura. I friended you, I hope you don't mind, but you seem to have the best fic/bandom ideas :) oh cool, welcome! and thank you :) My brain is sort of cracked out most of the time *g*