the week of suck

[skoosiepants]

So those of you following my twitter already know, but I lost my house rabbit this week. She was doing fine, BETTER than fine, and then I wake up Monday morning and she's not eating, no waste, and she's just lethargic all over - it got steadily worse throughout the day, and OF COURSE all the bunny vets at my emergency vet weren't on call, plus they were short-staffed because of the holiday. But it got to the point where she was suffering, having trouble breathing, and, bunny vet or not, I knew she wasn't going to last the night, and I wasn't going to just *watch her.* They really didn't know much about rabbits, but even the oxygen tent wasn't helping, and we had to make a decision - wait for the bunny vet to get there in the morning, or put her to sleep. She was in so much distress and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I just couldn't imagine keeping her like that for hours upon hours, and they couldn't even say if she'd make it or not. Happy was 10 and a half, over the average lifespan. I'd had her since college, she was the first pet who was MINE, and I can remember when she was an itty bitty baby bun. I can remember going to the rabbit society shelter to get her a pal - I can remember the director there actually calling her "socially retarded" when she refused to bond with any of the rabbits we took home to try out with her - rabbits are vicious and territorial, you wouldn't think that to look at them. She had her pal Quincy with her for four years; a big, brown fuzzy lop, already older, and she loved him because he didn't move an inch without her permission - see where I got Ginny's characterization in Otherwise? She loved our cats, tolerated our dogs - was completely bewildered by batshit crazy Mildred the kitten, though. She was a tiny little black 2 and a half pound mini-rex/dwarf mix, with one white paw and a white stripe down her forehead. She hated being held, loved eating rugs, towels, wires, molding, paper, remotes, shoes, sweaters. She loved getting her head petted, and would bite at your toes for attention.

It feels weird, not having to feed her great big huge piles of veggies every night - it was always the last thing I did; it's going to be hard to get over that 10 year habit.

And I feel a little like if my vet had been on call maybe they could have done something, but I don't actually know what. She'd been not doing great for a while, but we were managing, and I've got this horrible niggling feeling that it's - okay, so there's this stuff called Critical Care, and I've been syringe feeding it to her twice a day for the past couple months as a supplement to her diet, and I just got a new bag from the vet of it on Saturday. I finished up the old bag and started the new one on Sunday, and it smelled different and stronger and when I mixed it with water it came out more like a gummy paste than the old bags did. But it was sealed and the date was fine, so I figured maybe they just changed the formula - it didn't smell BAD, just stronger and different. And one of the symptoms on Monday was that her stomach was swollen and getting worse, and I can't help but think, since she was so STEADY before this, that it was the Critical Care they gave me - that it was a bad bag and it totally destroyed her insides and it's SO UNFAIR if it was that, but at the same time I don't want to find out, so I probably won't even mention it. UGH. This is so tough. Happy was a huge stress on my life, she was so hard to take care of - never ever get a rabbit thinking it's an easy pet. Even before she got sick, she was a complete disaster, ruining my things, the rug, the house, but I still wouldn't give up a minute of it.

I've never had an animal put to sleep before - family pets, but not one of mine (Quincy died in his sleep, when he was 8) - and I've never been in the room for it, but I wasn't going to let her go without us being there. It was horrible. I thought they were supposed to just drift off, but it was HORRIBLE, the most distressing thing I've ever seen, and I don't know if it's because she was a rabbit and she reacted differently to the injection, but even J said that it was the worst thing he's ever seen, and that even though the doctor said she couldn't feel a thing, even with her movements, he can't imagine that it didn't HURT.

So she's buried in the woods at my parents with Quincy, the one bunny out of an entire shelter that she connected with. It's a little comforting to think that they're together again, even though I'm going to miss her so much.

Christmas For Happy

Happiness J Gilmore Goslee: