pants to match

“You are glorious,” Brendon tells Captain Hall, because Captain Hall is like a giant, walking, talking teddy bear and he doesn’t let anyone be mean to Brendon. He even tells Pete not to be a creeper, which is awesome, because it’s not like Brendon minds all of Pete’s ass-slaps, but there’s got to be a line drawn somewhere. And that line has been firmly drawn by Captain Zachary Hall, of the USMC.

Of course, what Brendon finds truly hilarious is that Captain Hall reserves his special you-pervert looks for Spencer.

Hall is new. Brendon would set him straight, except he’s usually too busy laughing.

Since a great deal of William’s unhappiness in life is because of a certain rat bastard Marine corporal, William assumes the whole mess is Lacey’s fault. This is only cemented by the fact that Asher – sexy Asher, with her shapely calves and breasts – answers Lacey’s door in his t-shirt and boxers.

“I’m very disappointed in you, Corporal Asher,” William says, because he is. That rat bastard Lacey is a sneaky son of a gun, undeserved of her attentions.

Asher arches an eyebrow. “Did you need something, Dr. Beckett?”

William is all set to spout a pithy remark when Lacey appears behind Asher’s shoulder, naked as a jay, and while on the surface Lacey is an attractive specimen, William must remember that underneath the skin Lacey’s some sort of crab demon, with extra legs and eye stems.

William says, “You’ll not tempt me with your devil ways,” and Asher tilts her head in question. Lacey just scratches his balls and grins really, really evilly. William swallows hard, because Lacey’s evil grin has none of the endearing qualities that Gabe’s has. “Have either of you seen Captain Gabe?” he asks.

“I imagine he’d be in his own quarters, Billy,” Lacey says, still unabashedly naked, and William has to admire his complete lack of a social conscious. Polite company dictates some sort of dressing, yet there Lacey is, in all his rat bastard glory. Lacey’s evil grin dips into an evil smirk, and he says, “You’re staring.”

William’s cheeks heat. “Of course I am,” he says, all false bravado, really, because William is staring, and Lacey will never let him live it down. This abstinence business is messing with William’s head, not to mention the fact that his body thinks he’s fourteen, and fourteen had been a perpetually horny year for William – horny, clumsy, and growing like one of those capsules that insta-expand into a dinosaur or a washcloth when soaked. Under normal circumstances, a bare-assed Lacey would make him want to vomit his last four meals.

Asher leans up against the doorjamb, cocking a distracting hip. “Is that all?”

There is really something fabulous about Asher’s legs. William’s no slouch in the limb department - and he’s a boy besides – but he’s just the slightest bit envious.

“I’ll just, uh, go find Gabe, then,” William says, and when the door slides closed, he applauds himself for keeping cool. He’d lost entirely too much money to the swear jar the day before.

“Are you kidding me?” Rodney stares Way and Wentz down, but Way just looks bewildered, and Rodney can’t even see Wentz’s eyes, hiding behind the truly hideous fall of his fringe.

Finally, Wentz says petulantly, “We didn’t even touch it,” and Rodney, for a brief, fleeting moment, considers retirement. Blissful, tropical retirement, far far away from Dr. Peter Wentz in all his distracting forms.

“Oh,” Ivarsson exclaims, hands clasped in front of her chest. “Oh, how precious.” Ivarsson, of course, is completely unhelpful, and Rodney has no idea why she’s even in the infirmary, and he certainly doesn’t want to know, even though he suspects it has something to do with the mini Major Toro that’d trudged in with Wentz, Way and Bryar.

Ivarsson hugs Way – and oh god, Way’s possibly even more big-eyed and helpless looking than usual; the labs are going to be anarchy.