pants to match

NINJA | PG-13 | ~32,000
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden (also: Kevin/Zac Efron, Brendon/Spencer, Bill/Miranda, Pete/Ashlee, Pete/Patrick)

There are grooves in Kevin’s fingers from where he’s gripping his bass, soft, but calloused underbellies digging into the strings. It’s enough pain to ground him; he releases the strings backwards, the positioning a direct reverse of the beginning of In Front And Heavy. This is it. There’s no going back, even if one of the kids singing along in twenty minutes recognizes the curve of Miranda’s mouth, the timbre of Brendon’s voice, the strawberry blonde curl of Patrick’s hair under his knit cap; Bill’s splayed, spidery legs, Kevin’s wrists, fingers – the white band of skin that isn’t hidden by a thin band of silver.

*We are your losers, your loud weirdoes, your science stars, your shy, retiring band geeks*, Kevin thinks, and sets off for the stage.

A/N: This is it. The completely pointless, self-indulgent high school AU about a secret band playing secret music and writing a secret blog. I kind of hope you enjoy it. Massive thanks to insunshine for the excellent beta-work, and also to starflowers, who cheered me on through this entire thing. This actually had a different title, but then I thought, fuck it, because it's always been NINJA in my head. (ps – more notes at the end about who’s who in some of the blogged about bands, if you’re curious)

( NINJA )

Never Needed It Now So Much | PG-13 | ~3,000
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden | the high school AU that isn't NINJA

“Um.” Kevin twists his fingers together and tries to think of a non-pathetic way to beg Carden not to kill and eat him. He’d totally be gamey and, like, like—juicy and tender, *oh sweet baby Jesus*, who the heck is he kidding? Kevin would be *delicious*, he’s all solid and active and healthy and stuff, it’s like his mom’s been feeding him up for years and years for this exact moment. Have another apple, son, someday a scary-intense, super hot guy is going to *eat you alive*.


a/n: quick and dirty au ficcy thing, starring Carden, Kevin, Chislett and Brendon. Kevin's paranoid, and Carden might be trying to kill him. Or something. Title is from The Go! Team, please point out any mistakes, and also go join sodamnskippy: I'm going to pimp that for forever :)

( Never Needed It Now So Much )

So, at some point my phone does a teeny tiny ding? And I totally flubbed some words but kept on trucking anyway. And I also got seriously hoarse towards the end (there are many outtakes of me coughing. or giggling.) But! Those things aside, I think this was possibly the easiest one I've recorded to date. Oh man, this was my very first bandslash story *sigh* Good times.

fic is here: There Should Be A Name For Something Like This

It was the best idea Brendon had ever had, ever.

download the podfic (perm link courtesy of general_jinjur!)

Please comment if you download! Enjoy :)

Bust Your Move | ~3,000 | PG-13
Kevin/Mike

Kevin’s breathing goes all shuddery, bordering on gasping, and Carden oh-so-slowly pets him there, right on the side of his throat, and shushes him and Kevin thinks, a little hysterical, that if he’s trying to calm him down the petting thing is totally not working.

A/N: So, just to confuse you a little, this is an AU of the show JONAS, in which the Jonas Brothers are actually the Lucas brothers, and have a band called JONAS and go to a private school and their friend Stella acts as their stylist and this girl Macy is their biggest, weirdest fan. And a while ago I wrote on Twitter how much more awesome the show would be if Rival!Band!The Academy Is... were in it, and then I promptly forgot about that, and then I wrote this yesterday. Herein lies pointless high school shenanigans, Nick's one-sided feud with Bill Beckett, and making out in cars and ball closets and libraries. Yeah. This is also kind of lame, forgive me.

( Bust Your Move )

wow, okay, it feels really weird updating this instead of just twitter! hmmmmm. I'm on Dreamwidth (same name), and even though I'm not updating it (yet) feel free to friend me over there. And I know probably everyone and their mom is already on it, but I've got two one invite code if anybody wants it - just let me know.

SECONDLY. This new high school Mike Carden/Kevin Jonas fic that I'm writing feels kind of epic. And, like, sprawling. Which probably means lots of rambling, and I've also created a fake blog for it and basically the concept is that Brendon, Kevin, Patrick, Bill and Miranda Cosgrove (hello random! I just love her, she's so adorable) are the school weirdos/losers (although not really Bill, Bill's their token cool guy) and are in a SECRET BAND together called NINJA (all caps, yes) and at night they sneak out and and change up their looks (Kevin straightens his hair!) and go out to watch bands and then review them on their SECRET BLOG and no one knows who they are (and it's a little like Pump Up The Volume in that respect. Vaguely. Not really, but the concept's there) and they only post their music for downloads, they don't perform it live, and they are AWESOME and everyone loves them. And then there's the backstory where Mike keeps saving Kevin from bullies and Mike’s surly and thinks Kevin needs to defend himself, and he pushes him around, only not with intent to harm, leading to rough kisses and “Jesus Christ, kid, you drive me crazy,” and other good stuff. ALSO, Ryan is in a one-man folk band called Tenderfoot Junction, he's SO COOL. I'm having lots of fun with this blog thing, let me tell you. I have to make myself write the story first before I start going crazy with it. More than I already have, at least.

And that is all! Nothing else is going on, I'm lame like that.

A Handholding Song | PG-13 | 15,000+
Joe/Bob, Brendon/Spencer, Frank/Gerard (with background William/Gabe, implied Jon/Ryan & blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Butcher/Siska)

“I’m gonna write a song about you,” Joe says. “It’ll be a handholding song, I hope you don’t mind if I make you a girl.”

A/N: THE HOBO JOE AU! It’s finished! And it's, like, an uber schmoopy meet-cute, but whatever. So many thanks to insunshine for beta’ing this – I’ve recently realized that I phrase things in epically weird ways, and some of it is just my style, but most of it is just stupid, and she totally calls me on it every time. And! TNBC was real, as was Hang Time, and those were my Saturday mornings for years (years spent in college and beyond! Real-life careers require California Dreams and City Guys, is all I’m saying).

( A Handholding Song )

Dancing Without Warning | PG-13 | 9000+
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden | The Jonas Brothers, The Academy Is..., Jon Walker

“Let me get this straight,” Nick says, ignoring Joe’s snickers. “You accidentally implied that Mike Carden is a rapist.”

In which there is an elevator, a bet and the VMAs, leading to drunkenness, misunderstandings, and some approximation of dating. Mike is prickly, and Kevin is unwittingly a douche.

Contains minor references to Property of the Queen and Laser Cats, because Andy Samberg is a genius.

A/N: This was supposed to be a tiny little one-off about Mike and Kevin in an elevator. I don’t know what happened, but I’m blaming Bill Beckett. Unbeta’d, ridiculous, schmoopy, angsty, faily boys failing at love, told in snippets of various shapes, sizes and times. Title comes from The Art of Dancing by Bronx Cheerleader.

( Dancing Without Warning )

Adsorption | PG-13 | 5,000+
Mike Carden/Kevin Jonas
Sequel to Supersaturation, Solvation, Enthalpy, Entropy, Sublimation and Allotropy.

“Skippy here’s a virgin,” Carden says, tugging Kevin down into the seat next to him. He’s been doing that all day, pushing him around, like he’s some sort of circus freak or trained dog or something.

A/N: So I did it! It’s the JoBros in space! But also Mike Carden! And Chuck and Chislett! While reading the many stories before this one isn’t strictly necessary, there are references to stuff in the other fics, and Carden himself was introduced briefly in Allotropy, so I’d advise reading them all before attempting this one. And, of course, the next major stop in this ‘verse will have more Carden, so this one will be helpful for that.
A couple things: Kevin is the oldest Jonas brother. Bonus Jonas is actually named Frankie, but calling him Bonus is way funnier. Selena Gomez does, indeed, have a large head. Purity rings will never not be funny to me, sorry.
Finally, thank you so much to insunshine for the quick beta and for being generally kick-ass awesome.

* This was actually supposed to be what I had planned for V-Day, so consider it an early gift? I'm just really horrible at waiting to post once I've got a finished copy :) Enjoy!

( Adsorption )