![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skoosiepantsPirate Booty works as a consultant in this strange, strange office. Also, we're both weird. Some things to brighten up your Friday, with it's sad, sorry lack of Stargate.
The Diversity Poster
(Notes: PB is the most outgoing girl ever, and she keeps her trap shut at this place because everyone is batshit crazy. Also, her name is Kerry, not Kelly, which makes this funnier. To me, at least.)
PB: They hung a diversity poster on the wall by me. It was such a nice clean wall and now it's got a big busy poster right out of the corner of my eye. It's going to drive me crazy. And it's SO corny.
S: What's it say?
PB: "The time is always right to do what's right" and there's a bunch of hands all on top of each other, each one of course representing a different nationality. Except the hand on top is a right hand with a ring on the ring finger, I'm assuming symbolizing gays? Which is now I guess considered a nationality? It's purple, black and white, but VERY busy.
S: I don't get those posters, at least not in a grownup setting. Do you remember that drunk driving one from school with Stevie Wonder? Hee.
PB: At least as kids if the poster was interesting enough or in a good place we'd end up staring at it once in a while. In an adult environment it doesn't make sense. Like the 'hang in there' kitten. Yeah, we have to hang in their, it's our job, it pays the bills, if we don't we're either suicidal or fired. Why rub it in with a pathetic kitten that makes me want to save it day after day and I can't b/c it's a freakin’ picture. I HATE that poster.
S: Oh geez, I hate that one too, especially when I think of how they GOT the picture... hanging a poor kitten like that.
PB: You know why they put those posters in adult environments? I do. For people like this office. Everyone who walks by stops and really takes it in. Sometimes scratching their chin, like it’s a completely novel concept. Some even go as far as to discuss it. One woman who was alone turned to ME and said "did you see this?" and I just stared at her. It's three feet from me, it's hanging on a completely white wall, and it's in the direction I'm staring. I felt like saying "Well whaddya know?!?!?!?! A POSTER!!!!"
S: I really think you are in another world completely over there.
PB: I used to have snappy comebacks; I don't even have that anymore. I find myself just staring at them. I'm the quietest most completely unsocial person on the whole floor and only you know why. I'm ashamed of myself. I was just introduced by the crazy lady as "Kelly, the quiet one, unless you touch her thermostat." Um, I have never ONCE made a comment about the thermostat, and if you're noticing the change in temps, that's b/c there's two other people that adjust it as soon as you walk away. Seriously, I've gotta get out of here, and I volunteered for another month!
The Keeper of the Gems
PB: *snort* Some woman in Iowa is SELLING these! She MADE them, can you believe it?
S: First of all - holy carp, that lady is SCARY BEYOND ALL BELIEF. What's with the bubble hair? And the STARE OF DEATH? I fear the sweaters might come alive and kill us all.
PB: Ok, I'm wrong, you should check out her articles. She didn't make them, she is in SEARCH of more of them. She also has a band, you have to see her outfit. Like Ozzy is the Prince of Darkness, she's the Keeper of the Gems! Totally cool. And the hair, how does it stay like that?
S: She's in A BAND? Christ on a stick. That is all kinds of disturbing.
(TEH WEBSITE)
The Hot Co-worker
PB: Ok... our industry is mostly older females but man o man some eye candy just came in and sat in the empty cube directly behind my monitor. So I'm literally staring at him. Yumm-ay! He looks like he lives at a gym, Italian, dark hair...
S: Ooooo, eye candy! There is none of that around here, really :(
PB: Ah well... nothing to brag about anymore - he already has noticeable issues. He's been carrying around this backpack everywhere he goes. I thought he was leaving but he's left his wallet, which I can see, his laptop and paperwork all over his desk, zips up this pack and used the bathroom, got a bottle of water and talked with a woman in the hall. Maybe it's stapled to his back?
S: Oh wow, now I want to know what's in it! Maybe he's a superhero and it's his costume and he needs to be ready to change at any given moment?
PB: Either that or it's drugs and he needs it to keep his physique. Like steroids or something. And he doesn't want to get caught. So my advice is the least likely way to get caught is to pretend it's like any other bag and leave it so I can snoop. But you have a point; his build COULD lead someone to believe he was a superhero.
S: Or maybe he just really likes his bag. OR! Maybe there's a kitten inside? That he found on his way to work, and he has to hide it until the end of the day?
PB: AHAHAHA, I was thinking just now that he brought his dog to work! I swear we have a one-track mind!
S: HEE! There's something wrong with us :)
PB: Ahhhhh, he's gay. Well, that explains no ring. *sigh* He's talking to his 'honey buns;' when he first picked up he said 'hey man - missed you this morning.' (Is it sad that it makes him hotter?)
S: OH MY GOD, NO THAT MAKES HIM INCREDIBLY HOTTER!
The Office Tryst
PB: Oh... my... gawd... A man and woman went into the conference room with a bunch of papers about 15 minutes ago and just came out together. Both their shirts are untucked and her hair is a mess. They just both went into their respective bathrooms. Truly I'm the only person that they pass or is near the room... but... do you think I'm blind? I just kept working away staring at my monitor like I was oblivious to the world. Wow. Risky. Whatever.
S: HA! Your office is like some sort of bizzaro world!
PB: Her lipstick probably looked like she put it on riding a roller coaster. I just realized I may not have been as discreet as I think. But seriously, it's 9 freakin thirty, you can't wait ANY longer? I think I'm on a hidden camera show.
S: OMG YOU ARE! That's totally insane. It's stuff you see on TV! What did you do? Snicker? Stare incredulously?
PB: No, but I realized how much I did notice, like their shirts and her hair, so obviously I wasn't THAT intent on the monitor? Maybe they don't care? Maybe they're married? Who knows? I know they were quiet. The room really isn't that soundproof. Of course, I've also never seen them before; they're probably from a totally different wing of the building. Of course they're not going to use their local conference room. Heck, I'm sort of proud of them, good planning.
S: I would've started giggling, I think. Geez. That's HILARIOUS!
PB: Oh man... I just realized there are two large frosted glass panes in that room. Could I have seen something? Ugh. Know what's bad though... there's a lunch meeting in there today. Everyday this week. I wonder where they... *shudder* don't think about it, and don't eat the leftovers.
On Social Security; AKA, The Cardboard Box in Canada Plan
PB: My mom and dad just had a flip out when they found out I carry my SS card everywhere. What's wrong with that?
S: I carry it too, but I remember before I started working my dad kept it in a metal box in the attic. So. I guess it's important to keep it very, very safe?
PB: But I tried explaining, with technology and security crimes nowadays it seems silly to lock away a paper card. If someone wanted my information it would be VERY, VERY easy to find somewhere online, I'm sure. And if you didn't know enough about technology to steal it online then how the heck are you going to know what to do with a paper card?
S: Oh. I was thinking more along the lines of losing it completely, not that someone could steal your identity with it.
PB: But for $6 you can order another one from the dept of SS and that's located at Five Points Road & Newtown Sq. I was just there to do name change stuff and saw the form. I swear people are so paranoid. Then again, I'm deathly admittedly naive.
S: Hee. I didn't think of that. I'm worried that I'll no longer exist if I lost it. HAHHAHHAHA!
PB: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH YOU RETARD AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Uh... So someone gets assigned your number and you have to die if you lose it? How does that work exactly? AHAHAHAHAHAH Do they come to your house to shoot you and you have to go into hiding? How do they know you lost it?
S: Well, if you lose it, and then you happen to forget your number, then no one can ever find you in any system ever again. HAHAHA! I'M SO RETARDED!
PB: B/c there'd be no way to ever use your personal information to retrieve your number? Is there a country for people that lost their cards and can't remember their number? B/c I'm assuming we'd exile them. After all, they'd no longer be US citizens. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's FUNNY right there!
S: It's SO TRUE!
PB: Of course you couldn't even work at McDs for money, so how do you live? And you can't get a mortgage or rent a house? Well, not legally. Maybe you can live in Canada? Do they have SS numbers?
S: I have no clue, but that'd definitely be my first stop. I'd squat in Vancouver and work as a barista. I'd be the scary homeless girl who stalks all the Stargate actors.
PB: Could I still visit you in Vancouver or would you be on the lam? I mean, I couldn't live up there without the baby and my animals, but I'd definitely summer with you in your cardboard box.
S: CARDBOARD BOX SUMMER! WOOOOHOOOO!
The Diversity Poster
(Notes: PB is the most outgoing girl ever, and she keeps her trap shut at this place because everyone is batshit crazy. Also, her name is Kerry, not Kelly, which makes this funnier. To me, at least.)
PB: They hung a diversity poster on the wall by me. It was such a nice clean wall and now it's got a big busy poster right out of the corner of my eye. It's going to drive me crazy. And it's SO corny.
S: What's it say?
PB: "The time is always right to do what's right" and there's a bunch of hands all on top of each other, each one of course representing a different nationality. Except the hand on top is a right hand with a ring on the ring finger, I'm assuming symbolizing gays? Which is now I guess considered a nationality? It's purple, black and white, but VERY busy.
S: I don't get those posters, at least not in a grownup setting. Do you remember that drunk driving one from school with Stevie Wonder? Hee.
PB: At least as kids if the poster was interesting enough or in a good place we'd end up staring at it once in a while. In an adult environment it doesn't make sense. Like the 'hang in there' kitten. Yeah, we have to hang in their, it's our job, it pays the bills, if we don't we're either suicidal or fired. Why rub it in with a pathetic kitten that makes me want to save it day after day and I can't b/c it's a freakin’ picture. I HATE that poster.
S: Oh geez, I hate that one too, especially when I think of how they GOT the picture... hanging a poor kitten like that.
PB: You know why they put those posters in adult environments? I do. For people like this office. Everyone who walks by stops and really takes it in. Sometimes scratching their chin, like it’s a completely novel concept. Some even go as far as to discuss it. One woman who was alone turned to ME and said "did you see this?" and I just stared at her. It's three feet from me, it's hanging on a completely white wall, and it's in the direction I'm staring. I felt like saying "Well whaddya know?!?!?!?! A POSTER!!!!"
S: I really think you are in another world completely over there.
PB: I used to have snappy comebacks; I don't even have that anymore. I find myself just staring at them. I'm the quietest most completely unsocial person on the whole floor and only you know why. I'm ashamed of myself. I was just introduced by the crazy lady as "Kelly, the quiet one, unless you touch her thermostat." Um, I have never ONCE made a comment about the thermostat, and if you're noticing the change in temps, that's b/c there's two other people that adjust it as soon as you walk away. Seriously, I've gotta get out of here, and I volunteered for another month!
The Keeper of the Gems
PB: *snort* Some woman in Iowa is SELLING these! She MADE them, can you believe it?
S: First of all - holy carp, that lady is SCARY BEYOND ALL BELIEF. What's with the bubble hair? And the STARE OF DEATH? I fear the sweaters might come alive and kill us all.
PB: Ok, I'm wrong, you should check out her articles. She didn't make them, she is in SEARCH of more of them. She also has a band, you have to see her outfit. Like Ozzy is the Prince of Darkness, she's the Keeper of the Gems! Totally cool. And the hair, how does it stay like that?
S: She's in A BAND? Christ on a stick. That is all kinds of disturbing.
(TEH WEBSITE)
The Hot Co-worker
PB: Ok... our industry is mostly older females but man o man some eye candy just came in and sat in the empty cube directly behind my monitor. So I'm literally staring at him. Yumm-ay! He looks like he lives at a gym, Italian, dark hair...
S: Ooooo, eye candy! There is none of that around here, really :(
PB: Ah well... nothing to brag about anymore - he already has noticeable issues. He's been carrying around this backpack everywhere he goes. I thought he was leaving but he's left his wallet, which I can see, his laptop and paperwork all over his desk, zips up this pack and used the bathroom, got a bottle of water and talked with a woman in the hall. Maybe it's stapled to his back?
S: Oh wow, now I want to know what's in it! Maybe he's a superhero and it's his costume and he needs to be ready to change at any given moment?
PB: Either that or it's drugs and he needs it to keep his physique. Like steroids or something. And he doesn't want to get caught. So my advice is the least likely way to get caught is to pretend it's like any other bag and leave it so I can snoop. But you have a point; his build COULD lead someone to believe he was a superhero.
S: Or maybe he just really likes his bag. OR! Maybe there's a kitten inside? That he found on his way to work, and he has to hide it until the end of the day?
PB: AHAHAHA, I was thinking just now that he brought his dog to work! I swear we have a one-track mind!
S: HEE! There's something wrong with us :)
PB: Ahhhhh, he's gay. Well, that explains no ring. *sigh* He's talking to his 'honey buns;' when he first picked up he said 'hey man - missed you this morning.' (Is it sad that it makes him hotter?)
S: OH MY GOD, NO THAT MAKES HIM INCREDIBLY HOTTER!
The Office Tryst
PB: Oh... my... gawd... A man and woman went into the conference room with a bunch of papers about 15 minutes ago and just came out together. Both their shirts are untucked and her hair is a mess. They just both went into their respective bathrooms. Truly I'm the only person that they pass or is near the room... but... do you think I'm blind? I just kept working away staring at my monitor like I was oblivious to the world. Wow. Risky. Whatever.
S: HA! Your office is like some sort of bizzaro world!
PB: Her lipstick probably looked like she put it on riding a roller coaster. I just realized I may not have been as discreet as I think. But seriously, it's 9 freakin thirty, you can't wait ANY longer? I think I'm on a hidden camera show.
S: OMG YOU ARE! That's totally insane. It's stuff you see on TV! What did you do? Snicker? Stare incredulously?
PB: No, but I realized how much I did notice, like their shirts and her hair, so obviously I wasn't THAT intent on the monitor? Maybe they don't care? Maybe they're married? Who knows? I know they were quiet. The room really isn't that soundproof. Of course, I've also never seen them before; they're probably from a totally different wing of the building. Of course they're not going to use their local conference room. Heck, I'm sort of proud of them, good planning.
S: I would've started giggling, I think. Geez. That's HILARIOUS!
PB: Oh man... I just realized there are two large frosted glass panes in that room. Could I have seen something? Ugh. Know what's bad though... there's a lunch meeting in there today. Everyday this week. I wonder where they... *shudder* don't think about it, and don't eat the leftovers.
On Social Security; AKA, The Cardboard Box in Canada Plan
PB: My mom and dad just had a flip out when they found out I carry my SS card everywhere. What's wrong with that?
S: I carry it too, but I remember before I started working my dad kept it in a metal box in the attic. So. I guess it's important to keep it very, very safe?
PB: But I tried explaining, with technology and security crimes nowadays it seems silly to lock away a paper card. If someone wanted my information it would be VERY, VERY easy to find somewhere online, I'm sure. And if you didn't know enough about technology to steal it online then how the heck are you going to know what to do with a paper card?
S: Oh. I was thinking more along the lines of losing it completely, not that someone could steal your identity with it.
PB: But for $6 you can order another one from the dept of SS and that's located at Five Points Road & Newtown Sq. I was just there to do name change stuff and saw the form. I swear people are so paranoid. Then again, I'm deathly admittedly naive.
S: Hee. I didn't think of that. I'm worried that I'll no longer exist if I lost it. HAHHAHHAHA!
PB: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH YOU RETARD AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Uh... So someone gets assigned your number and you have to die if you lose it? How does that work exactly? AHAHAHAHAHAH Do they come to your house to shoot you and you have to go into hiding? How do they know you lost it?
S: Well, if you lose it, and then you happen to forget your number, then no one can ever find you in any system ever again. HAHAHA! I'M SO RETARDED!
PB: B/c there'd be no way to ever use your personal information to retrieve your number? Is there a country for people that lost their cards and can't remember their number? B/c I'm assuming we'd exile them. After all, they'd no longer be US citizens. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's FUNNY right there!
S: It's SO TRUE!
PB: Of course you couldn't even work at McDs for money, so how do you live? And you can't get a mortgage or rent a house? Well, not legally. Maybe you can live in Canada? Do they have SS numbers?
S: I have no clue, but that'd definitely be my first stop. I'd squat in Vancouver and work as a barista. I'd be the scary homeless girl who stalks all the Stargate actors.
PB: Could I still visit you in Vancouver or would you be on the lam? I mean, I couldn't live up there without the baby and my animals, but I'd definitely summer with you in your cardboard box.
S: CARDBOARD BOX SUMMER! WOOOOHOOOO!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-03 06:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-04 03:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-04 07:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-03 07:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-04 03:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-03 08:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-04 03:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-05 02:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-06 12:08 am (UTC)In Canada, it's called a Social Insurance Number or SIN number which is both ironic and redundant.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-07 01:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-07 04:42 pm (UTC)