Either someone has to stop me...

[skoosiepants]

Or you people have to help me write these.

I love teen novels. I love cheesey coming-of-age, god, especially early 80's teen books. Paula Danziger? *loves* Judy Blume? Is there anything better? Harlequin cheese of the teenie bopper kind? Dude! G-rated love stories with fifteen-yr-olds!

And when I can't sleep at night, my mind goes on rabid tangents. There is no way in hell I want to actually write these - no way in hell - but coming up with the sums have been fun. I've only got two down, but I've even got a title for the series.

I would pretty much be willing to have anyone's babies who decides to run with these. Seriously.

They are called the No Boys Allowed fics. They are all completely AU crack. Teen romance. Chock full of growing pains. G to PG situations. PG-13 in a pinch.

And, DUDES, you remember that pairing I said made puppies cry? The one I can't even read anymore? Yeah, the first one totally had to be it. I don't know why, but it's the way it came out...



This Means War!

At fourteen, Ginny Weasley was all long, gangly legs and thin arms, and she could fold herself up like a spider in her hidey-hole at the back of her walk-in closet. She was flame-haired and sun-freckled and wasn’t allowed to wear makeup, and out of everything in the entire world, Ginny wanted a bra. Any sort of bra, really, because she was fourteen and flat-chested, and her mum called her a late-bloomer while her six horrible, smelly, disgusting older brothers called her the Boobless Wonder. Oh, how she hated them – how she hated boys. Especially Ron’s new mate with the spazzy hair and the broken specs who seemed to rib her just as easily as the twins. Fred and George, being related, were armed with a certain level of immunity to her ire – her mum and dad helpfully took care of them for her. But Harry Potter… Harry Potter, this means war!

The Boy Next Door

When Hermione Granger was twelve, she’d been firmly labeled a nerd; a bushy-haired know-it-all who was too bossy for her own good. And she’d hated the boy responsible for those taunts ever since. Specifically, the boy who lived next door - sloe-eyed Blaise Zabini with his sly smirks and his fast hands that’d landed more than one girl in unmentionable trouble. Or so the rumors went.

When they end up assigned to the same school project, Hermione’s determined not to let the prat get to her, or get in her way of getting top marks. But Zabini turns out to be surprisingly smart, if obnoxious and arrogant, and his wicked sense of humor is strangely appealing… She better watch out, or she just might fall for the boy next door.

*giggles insanely* *runs off*

Comments

[slinkiestumble.livejournal.com]

...must not let the bunnies attack.

Seriously, now you've given me ideas.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

Dude, so the point. Write your bunnies!

Absolutely Dreadful

[slinkiestumble.livejournal.com]

Absolutely Dreadful

Pansy Parkinson was positive that being thirteen was the end of the world. Here she was, all thick thighs and budding breasts and bleeding once a month for a week. Her mother told her that she was becoming a woman, but Pansy was positive she was actually turning into the notorious Big Foot. After all, not only was she now lumpy and a bit on the fat side, but she also had hair in places it certainly didn’t belong and it was growing like mad.

And her feet really were abnormally large, she was sure of it. She even secretly thought she could run away and be a clown, they were so freaking big.

At least her best friend was along for the ride to hell that everyone else called puberty. Though said certain best friend sure had been ignoring her lately. She wondered what was up with that. It probably had something to do with the fact that whenever they walked to school together anymore, snot-nosed Draco Malfoy stood at his fence and obnoxiously sang: Pansy and Weasel sitting a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Pansy hated Draco Malfoy.

Her best friend, Ron Weasley, hated him too.

So, really, it didn’t make any sense that Ron was ignoring her just because Malfoy was a jerk. Maybe the problem was Pansy’s new boobs and not Malfoy. Pansy’d caught him staring at Lavender Brown’s the other day and when Pansy’d asked him what he thought was so great about them, he’d just stared at her like she crazy until she pointed out that she had them too. Then he’d turn so red his freckles had disappeared.

Come to think about it, that was the last time she’d talked to him. Ugh. Stupid redheaded boys and stupid growing boobs and stupid

A World Without Catfish

[slinkiestumble.livejournal.com]

A World Without Catfish

Luna Lovegood was fourteen years old and in two weeks, she would be attending her very first high school dance. Not that she particularly cared; Luna had only bought the ticket because the two seniors selling them – Cho and Marietta – were passing out cupcakes with sprinkles on them to everyone who purchased one.

And Luna absolutely loved cupcakes with sprinkles on them. Especially if they were star shaped sprinkles, and if they were also purple, because stars were the coolest shape Luna could think of and purple was the best color ever.

Unfortunately, Cho and Marietta’s cupcakes had only been the kind with regular rainbow sprinkles. They were still good cupcakes, though; chocolate swirl with vanilla frosting and the equally tasty rainbow sprinkles, which Luna hand picked off – every last one – eating them separately and with relish. Luna had wanted to buy two, but Zacharias Smith from her math class had shoved her out of the way after she’d bought the first one, asking her who she thought would take her to the dance, anyway.

Luna had almost been offended by his shoving her, but then she remembered that Zacharias was on the soccer team and suffering from Loser’s Lurgy, so she cradled her cupcake in her hands and walked away with a, “I understand about the Loser’s Lurgy!” as a farewell to Zacharias. He’d gotten really mad at that, turning to look at her with a fierce scowl and then picking up his really tasty cupcake, he’d hurled it towards her retreating figure.

It had hit her in the back and Luna had smooshed cupcake in her hair all day. It’d smelled great, but Luna wondered if every boy hated cupcakes as much as Zacharias Smith, or if it was just him. She hoped it was just Zacharias, because she couldn’t imagine having to finish high school with a bunch of no-good cupcake haters like him … the idea was worse than imagining a world with out catfish.

Breaking a Nail or Two

[slinkiestumble.livejournal.com]

Breaking a Nail or Two

The day Lavender Brown turned thirteen, she announced to everyone that she was going to be an actress. Her parents had sighed, her older brother had laughed at her and his best friend, Oliver Wood, had snickered into his palm a little too loudly and quite rudely. She’d wailed hysterically at their negative responses and stormed up to her room in a fit of rage. Her parents hadn’t even bothered to follow her, to make sure she was all right, and she missed out on having her own birthday cake. If it hadn’t been for her own best friend, Parvati, she’d not even have gotten her birthday presents.

But Parvati had showed up only thirty minutes after her tantrum and like a true best friend had carried all of Lavender’s gifts up to her, before her older brother could snatch them and hide them, as he probably planned to do. Lavender and Parvati had sulked in her room, but Parvati was a good friend and she assured Lavender that she could be an actress if she wanted to. So Lavender decided that yes, she most certainly wanted to.

It wasn’t until she told her sixth grade class three weeks before summer vacation that all her trouble started. After that, Lavender decided immediately that she was going to punch loud-mouthed Seamus’ face in and be an actress, before the summer was through … even if it meant breaking a nail or two.

Re: Breaking a Nail or Two

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

you... *flails* oh lord, all three of these are perfect... we need a community for cracked teen bunnies like these *giggles*