*wants to vomit*

[skoosiepants]

My mom just called and talked to J's mom and for some reason I find that highly unsettling. J's mom thinks I'm very quiet. OMG, I'm too quiet. Me! It's SO TRUE. I'm horrible with real people. Like a robot, only less charismatic. I've known these folks for three years, and I can hardly hold a conversation with them. I'm such a freak.

My brother's fiance and my mom are like best buds or something, and I can't even be alone with J's mom or I start sweating.

So none of this matters, of course, except I'm going to have to somehow involve his mom in all the wedding planning, and it's like agonizing just thinking about picking up the phone.

I keep thinking they hate me behind my back, and J doesn't help because he thinks my fears are hilarious and often says that they DO hate me, and then laughs, because he's evil and I hate him. So does anyone have any in-law stories to help me feel not quite so freakish?

I'm going to worry about this all night.

Comments

[lilysaid.livejournal.com]

My father-in-law is really old--no, really, he could easily be my grandfather--and he is so old-fashioned about men and women that he will not even speak to me directly. Women should be seen and not heard, or something, and every time we visit them he takes John out "driving" so they can talk while I have to sit and make small-talk in a room crowded with a terrifying number of knick-knacks with his wife, an old lady who waits on him hand and foot and REALLY REALLY loves to talk about the weather.

um. so, at least you are acknowledged as a person?

also, you are so fabulous that there's no way they hate you--they just need to get to know the real you.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

oh wow, you totally win on the in-law front, with the ignoring and the weather, yeah. Oh god, and small-talk is the worst

also, you are so fabulous that there's no way they hate you *loves you*

[veracity]

*whispers* Marry in Vegas and then you won't have to worry about the in-laws. *grins*

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

but I want a wedding! I just don't want all the hassles before hand :(

[nunshavingfun.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about them. J loves you! Just um don't accidently kill them and I think you will be ok.

Once I laughed so hard I threw up. That isn't an in-law story (mainly because I am not married...) but I figured embarrassment would cheer you up.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

omg, that's hilarious and horrible. you threw up? oh god. totally embarrassing. *hee*

[barely-bean.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

You can't always get along with the in-laws. The important thing is your fiance loves you and it will all be fine. Plus, you're super awesome.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

*hugs back* I just wish I could be comfortable around them. Maybe in another three years?

Plus, you're super awesome. :P

[absolut-jmo.livejournal.com]

I get along well with my in-laws. Even though the first time I met my father-in-law was when hubby and I were dating in college and he um...walked into hubby's dorm room, where I was --- sleeping in his bed. *ahem*

Anyhoo!!! My sister had to schedule her wedding to coincide with the cycle of the planets or else her future mom-in-law would not come to the wedding because the marriage would be d00med.

*squinches you* Also - please to be not vomitting.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

He walked in on you? That's so embarrassing. But at least you get along with them *nods* I wouldn't say that I don't get along with J's parents, I just wish I felt more myself around them.

My sister had to schedule her wedding to coincide with the cycle of the planets or else her future mom-in-law would not come to the wedding because the marriage would be d00med. *laughs* that actually sounds like fun :)

[marf-the-river.livejournal.com]

Oh God, do I feel your pain!

My in-laws live in England, and when we go visit it's just two weeks of head nodding and smiling and feeling completely inadequate and going crazy. Father-in-law has the thickest accent I've ever heard, and I don't understand a word he says.

I once laughed after he told me about something he'd seen on the news that apparently involved death! I *laughed* and it wasn't funny at all. They mostly think of me as that weird Canadian girl that scored their son, but they're nice about it...I think...when I understand them they seem nice. :)

Don't worry about it, maybe this wedding planning will get you and your mother-in-law closer, and all the worry will magically disappear :)

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

nodding and smiling - I excell at those. I have no idea how to start a conversation, and then keep it going *shakes head*

Don't worry about it, maybe this wedding planning will get you and your mother-in-law closer, and all the worry will magically disappear :) I hope so!

[argosy.livejournal.com]

No in-law stories, but I was watching NewsRadio today when Jimmy James said, "Jimmy has fancy plans, and pants to match." So that's where it comes from. *g*

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

Best Newsradio ep ever. Donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey.

[seratonation.livejournal.com]

Oh, Skoosie, how can anyone hate you? *hugs* I bet if you just tell her you'd like some advice about something or other for the wedding, she'd totally love it, and then it'd get easier as you plan more stuff. Incedentaly what were your mum, and J's mum talking about?

I'm not married so have no in-law stories. :P

[bibliokat.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I had to jump in to say that that is possibly the best icon EVER.

[chopchica.livejournal.com]

My in-laws detest me because I am:

a. Jewish
b. American
c. Outspoken
d. Fat

mg has been disowned by about 80% of his family because of his relationship with me. He has cousins who thought that him having an American girlfriend was the coolest thing in the world, until they found out I was Jewish. They literally haven't spoken to me since, even when we've been in the same room.

mg's parents refuse to believe that our relationship is going to last. They talk about his future and I'm not in it. They also do whatever they can to sabotoge my mental and emotional health.

We were given a wedding/anniversary party in Switzerland because most of the extended family hadn't come to the wedding. At the party, his dad gave a speech that didn't mention the fact that we were married or had had a wedding. He just thanked everybody for coming and told them all that there was a famous window in a room upstairs and he was going to be giving a tour of it later.

The highlight of the entire party came when we were all treated to a surprise slideshow of mg's life. Now remember, this is a party to celebrate our wedding.

The slideshow went through mg's childhood - mg playing drums, mg playing soccer, etc. The final picture was of him the day he went to college. We started *dating* in college. Apparently that's when his life stopped in his family's eyes.

By that point, there was really nothing to do about it but laugh. Luckily his parents live in Nepal and the rest of them all live in Switzerland, so basically I avoid them all as much as humanly possible.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

Okay, seriously, those people need some lessons in being human. Although it looks like they probably aren't human, but human-shaped robots - the uncool, demon kind. *hugs you*

[starrika.livejournal.com]

My mom had only met my father's parents a handful of times before they were married, and my grandmother is intimidating by nature. I believe it was the second time they met, she started a conversation with my mother by leaning over and asking her seriously if she could "Ask her a personal question." My mother was sweating bullets, but it turned out to be something totally inconsequential. Once my grandmother had "hazed" her a bit, they eased up :)

Twenty five years later, they say she's a better daughter than the ones they produced, so I wouldn't worry. I'm sure planning a wedding is stressful and dealing with in-laws even more, but perhaps it'll make you feel less nervous around them -it's always good to be optimistic :)

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

I'm sure planning a wedding is stressful and dealing with in-laws even more, but perhaps it'll make you feel less nervous around them -it's always good to be optimistic :) I'm hoping this is what will happen. Or maybe if my mom and dad are comfortable with them, it'll leak to me. Sometimes that happens, too.

And holidays are always stressful for me anyway. He has a HUGE extended family that is very close, and I have to go to a family party and then christmas dinner and I'm really not used to that. My family is very, very small.

[geeklite.livejournal.com]

My father-in-law is deaf - and he never wears his hearing aids, so he just sits there like an enormous lump - occasionally interjecting random World War II facts into conversation (he's a retired history teacher). My mother-in-law is fine but it's taken me 8 years to get to the point where I can have a conversation with her, though. Two more opposite people there never were. My brother-in-law has severe ADD and often doesn't take his medication.

It's not so bad now we live in different countries ;) If all else fails, I advise moving far, far away.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

Okay, so this not being able to converse thing isn't too uncommon, then? They really are very nice to me, and I never hear anything bad, but they are a LOT different from my own family, and I think that makes me more nervous.

Moving would be good, but then I'd have to talk to them on the phone, and I'm possibly even WORSE over the phone. I won't even call for takeout.

[emrinalexander.livejournal.com]

I've been married to the same woman for 22 1/2 years.

We have the same first name.

Last year - my father-in-law managed to finally address a Christmas card to both of us. Prior to that I was always "That woman you live with."

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

That's just... wrong? odd? Not sure of the correct word to describe that. Was he okay face-to-face?

[(Anonymous)]

firstly, CONGRATULATIONS!!!
That is such lovely news and I am so happy for you.
Secondly, the thing to remember is that you are marrying J and NOT his family, even though they are an important part of the process, they are not the ENIRE part. He loves you, they know this and it's probably all in your head.
Thirdly, my sister got married this year and the mother in law was slightly nuts-trying to choose all of my sister's decorations and everything for the wedding, then trying to decorate their new house for them, even going through an entire store's inventory (at a store my sister hated) selecting items to make them a weddding register, so all the guests would buy them those items (which my sister and her fiance didn't get to choose even though it was their house) from that store. So, do not stress. The moral to this tale: There are worse mother in laws out there than those that say about the bride, "She is quiet."
Although I find it hard to imagine that you are quiet. But even if you are it does not matter, you are LOVELY.
be happy:)
~stufler

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm very excited! You know, when not wanting to vomit with nervousness.

and omg, I would kill my in-law to be if she tried to REGISTER for me. Wow. That's insane.

Although I find it hard to imagine that you are quiet. But even if you are it does not matter, you are LOVELY. Dawwww! *scuffs toe* Thanks, hon. I'm very quiet when I'm nervous, but then I usually have a hard time shutting up when I'm not. Too bad I'm ALWAYS nervous whenever I go over to his parents :(

[arglefraster.livejournal.com]

Oh, how I feel your pain! I really did hate the planning of the wedding. So many details, and all this tradition and books trying to make it seem like everyone will egg you in your pretty dress if the decorations aren't just perfect. Just focus on the things you actually care about (for me: dress, food, cake (I made it myself, 6 cakes in 3 awesome flavors, not decorated like wedding cakes)) and the rest of it will all turn out.

And while my husband's mother is super nice, his brother got engaged 3 months after us and married 2 before, and their engagement ring was exactly like mine but bigger. Bit of a tense start.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

I think mostly I don't want to have to talk to all these people - like the dj and the photographer and stuff - so I'm really hoping my mom does most of that for me :)

And while my husband's mother is super nice, his brother got engaged 3 months after us and married 2 before, and their engagement ring was exactly like mine but bigger. Bit of a tense start. Okay, yeah, that would upset me. A lot.

[rhiannon-jehane.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry this is so stressful for you!

So does anyone have any in-law stories to help me feel not quite so freakish?

There's a site called Indiebride (http://www.indiebride.com/), and it has a thriving community of smart, funny, articulate women posting in the forums (http://kvetch.indiebride.com/). There are numerous in-laws threads there -- believe me, you aren't alone in this!

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

I'm always stressed out when there's something that has to be done. I like things to just... happen on their own :)

Oooo, cool site! Thank you!

[amori-maris.livejournal.com]

I've known Andrew's parents for over five years now, and it's only recently that I've been able to actually address them directly and by their names. I come from a typically rigid and formal Asian background and Andrew's family is super-carefree and casual. When I met them, they told me to call them by their first names. I thought it was some kind of test: if I called them by their first names I wasn't being respectful, but by disregarding their wishes I was also being disrespectful. So, for the first three-almost-four years, I pretty much didn't call them anything, and sort of stammered quietly if I ever was in a position to use their first names. It made me so super self-conscious whenever I was around them. They thought I was ridiculously shy; when I told my best friend this, her response was, "Shy? Have they ever seen the way you dress?!"

If you ever feel the urge to read some truly horrendous in-law stories, you should pop over to weddingplans. It's 50% family drama and 50% really useful and interesting planning ideas. After hearing some of their stories, I feel truly blessed for having my in-laws even if our relationship is still a bit restrained. Plus, when not bitching, the brides over there have really good ideas for planning and come up with all kinds of creative solutions to problems.

Good luck with your in-laws! I'm sure they adore you; how could they not? You are too fabulous :)

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

okay, that makes me feel ALOT better. I guess I just have to wait out the weirdness!

also, thanks for the community link!

*hugs you*

[tigerlilly2063.livejournal.com]

*hugs* MILs are always a pain in the butt.

Mine always tried to talk me into getting pregnant. *rolls eyes* Fortunately she didn't have much to do with our wedding since we decided to organize most of the stuff ourselves. And for going shopping for my dress and all I only had my mum and bridesmaid with me.

Hope everything works out for you two.

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

His mom is at least the sort who doesn't seem to butt in, which is good. Hopefully we'll get closer with all the planning, though!

[exegesis.livejournal.com]

I have the problem wherein I have a permanently blocked nose and I am a small person. Consequently I have a kind of squeaky, nasally voice. The problem with the eventual inlaws lied in that they are both schoolteachers. His dad, not so bad. His mother - EVERY TIME I talk to her on the phone, she talks back to me like I'm four. She doesn't do this when we are in person (not always, anyway) so I assume that she just hears the higher pitched voice and regresses back to the classroom. But do you know how galling it is, at the age of 25, to be spoken to like a four year old? Seriously, each time I want to stab her with a fork.

Childishly, I get revenge by calling her by her first name continuously, which always throws her. ;-)

Seriously, hon, remember, it's YOUR wedding and his parents are just minor inconveniences. It may turn out that they are as shy as you are around them, and so they just come across as standoffish - maybe that's how you seem to them too. Sometimes shy people seem snobby rather than shy. Plus, remember, you may never win with them - after all, you're taking their little boy away!

[skoosiepants.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow, that would serously bug me. And I wish I had enough courage to call her by her first name. I actually think she'd like it, though :)

Sometimes shy people seem snobby rather than shy. I'm constantly afraid that's what people think of me!